Happy B-day

Yesterday was Ma's birthday. I can't believe Ma is already 50 years old. It makes me feel old too...to think that I haven't even achieved anything yet. And here I am already feeling old. Time really do fly by so fast. It seeems only yesterday when we would go out and eat lunch or merienda at Sweet Haven, Sugarhouse, and Dunkin Donuts. And now, Tin and I are working already. Candice and Val are about to graduate and soon they will be working too. The next thing you know, we'll be walking down the aisle already. I just wish that I'm not missing out on anything. Sometimes I feel as if I'm not fully living my life the way I want to. I'm just breezing through everything without stopping to appreciate each moment and each phase...Now I'm already in my 20's, and I'm wondering what it was like being 14? 18? I can't even remember what I did during those times.

As the saying goes, "Slow down and smell the flowers." I say, what flowers? I don't see any. I've been going through life in amazing speed. Sometimes I tell myself to slow down...and stop thinking ahead all the time. Because I'm always in a hurry to finish this and that, I'm not able to enjoy life meaningfully. But then how do you define a meaningful life anyway? Who sets the standard for this? I don't think I would want to delve into this matter. Opinions vary. This is going to be a very long debate.

One thing's for sure though, in today's world, everybody seems to be in a hurry...rushing to get the much coveted top position in a company, rushing to get a high paying job, rushing to acquire money, fame, love all at the same time..It's like everyone's in a race; you can't slow down or else you'll lose. I admit I was one of those many who succumbed to this kind of mentality. But now, I try to appreciate each day and not worry about the future too much anymore. It's just too tiring anyway. It's mentally taxing having to always think, plan, and analyze every little detail in your life. It can really wear one out in the long run.

Although sometimes I feel as if my life is in slow motion too...It's like standing in line for hours just to have your turn on the ferris wheel...The wait is so long that sometimes you ask yourself if it's worth the wait. You ask yourself when will you be able to have your turn and whether you will actually be able to catch the ride or not. Then you start having second thoughts like maybe you should just skip the line and not bother lining up anymore. Or maybe you should have lined up in another ride...though not as fun but at least it's the one with the shorter line.

Life is truly a one big contradiction.

Anyway, moving on...we had dinner at Top of the Citi together with Amma and everyone else. The sea bass was yummy. I swear I could finish the whole thing at the buffet table. I don't know if it's because of eating just salad during lunch. That's why by the time dinner came, all the food at the table seemed to be so inviting. I think I ate more than I should have. That's the problem with skimming...you tend to eat more after.